Making Successful Science Students
Some Very Funny Stuff Here
Need a laugh? Below you will find over 64 funny Husky jokes and increasing, plus a few dumb Cougar jokes that are not as funny. As time permits I will add funny stories and jokes I come across. If you have heard one you liked, feel free to send it to me... You never know, it just may end up on my list!.....
Last Updated: 11/27/2007
Holiday Jokes and Stories.
Click here for Holiday Jokes and Stories.
79 Cougar – husky jokes and counting.
Husky Jokes:
1.
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a Husky joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should
know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a UW alumni.
The guy sitting next to me is 6'2 tall, weighs 225, and he's a UW
alumni. The fella next to him is 6'5 tall, weighs 250, and he's a UW alumni.
Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it 3 times."
2.
Q: How do you make a Husky graduate leave your house?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
3.
In a King County Court room a judge was in the middle of a child custody case. Not being able to decide which parent to award custody to, the judge decides to ask the child a few questions:
Judge- “Johnny, I would like to know which parent you would like to live with, would you like to live with you mommy?”
Johnny – “No! She beats me!”
Judge – “Oh that’s terrible. You would like me to send you to live with your father then?”
Johnny – “No! He beats me too!”
Judge – “Well then Johnny, who would you like me to send you to live with then?”
Johnny - “The Huskies, They can’t beat anybody.”
4.
An UW football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback-riding
accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God
the manager of the K-Mart came out and unplugged it.
5.
A Husky recruit showed up for practice with his cleats on the wrong feet. The coach said "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at him with a raised brow and said, "You’re teasing me aren’t you Coach, I know they're my feet."
6.
On the first day of football practice, the coach said to his players, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, just hold up your hand." A voice from the back of the huddle asked,
"Duh, ....... how's that gonna help?"
7.
One day, Coach Rick gave each of his young recruits a box of animal crackers after a hard practice. One of the recruits began spreading them all over the table. "What are you doing?" asked coach Rick. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the Husky explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
8.
Q: What do you call a poor pathetic Husky fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
9.
Q: Why did eighteen Huskies go to the movies together?
A: They heard under seventeen weren't admitted!!!
10.
Q: What is 9-1-1?
A: The top 3 SAT scores for the Husky football team.
11.
Q: Did you hear about the new Husky Honor System?
A: “Yes, Your Honor, No Your Honor. Guilty Your Honor”
12.
Three Huskies were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for 4 hours they finally saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT" so they turned around and went home.
13
Did you hear about the two Husky alumni that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
14.Q: Why do Huskies have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A: "Toes Go In First."
15.Q: Why can't Huskies dial 911?
A: They can't find the eleven on the phone!
16.Q: What did the Husky say when he opened the box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look... doughnut seeds!
17.
Q: What do you call a husk with a wooden leg?
A: A sucker on a stick.
18
Why doesn't the UW have a college of pharmacy anymore?
> The students kept breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
19.
The son of a very rich Arab sheik was graduating. The sheik went to his son's roommate and told him, "I really appreciate all the help you have given my son while you two were in school. Just name a gift, and I will buy it for you."
The roommate thinks about it and tells the sheik, "Ever since I was a little kid, I've always wanted a real Mickey Mouse outfit." So the sheik bought him the University of Washington uniform.
20.
A Husky grad decides he wants to raise chickens. So he goes to a feed store, buys a bunch of baby chicks, plants 'em feet-first in the ground, and sadly after a couple days they die. He figures he's doing something wrong, so he goes back to the feed store and buys more chicks. This time he plants 'em headfirst, and they die even faster. Now this UW grad is at his wit's end, so he decides to write to his alma mater, tell them what he's doing, and see if maybe they have any suggestions. Two weeks later he got a note back from UW asking for a soil sample.21.
A Husky alum wants his son to go to UW, but the son's IQ is too high. Since the alum really wants his son to be a Husky he agrees to test an IQ-reducing machine. The Husky scientist explain to the father and son that the machine is experimental and has never been tested. The chance for his son to be a Husky makes the risk acceptable to the farmer. They strap the son into the machine and turn it on. His IQ starts dropping. 130...110...100...90...80...70...60... When the scientist flips the OFF switch, nothing happens. The son's IQ keeps dropping. 40...30...10...0...-10...-20. The scientist finally pulls the plug and stops the machine. The alum runs to his son and screams, "Son, say something!" The son looks him right in the eye and says, "Go Dawgs!"22.
Q: How many U of W freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
23.
Two Husky players decide they want to try ice fishing. They go and buy all the necessary equipment and load up their pick-up. In the process, the students realize they don't know where to go to try out this new sport. Finally, after about three hours of intense brainstorming, one student thinks of the perfect spot. They drive to the spot, unload their equipment and make their way onto the ice in search for the perfect location. They cut a hole in the ice and begin to fish. About three minutes pass when out of nowhere a booming voice is heard: "THERE ARE NO FISH BENEATH THE ICE!" Completely confused and scared, the two students stop and look around but see no one. "Did you hear that?" ask one student. "Yea. Who was it?" responded the second student. Confused but determined, both students continue to fish. A minute passes, and they hear again: "THERE ARE NO FISH BENEATH THE ICE!" Dazed and frightened, one student stands up, looks to the heavens and asks "Is that You God? Are you trying to help us?" The voice responds "No, you idiot, it's the ice rink manager. Now get off our ice!"
24.
Did you hear that UW just bought twenty new septic tanks?
Yeah, and Husky coach says as soon as they learn to drive them, they're gonna invade Ballard.25
Q: What do you get when you cross a Husky fan with a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things a pig's just not gonna do.26.
A Husky fan and a Husky football player were walking in the woods. The player says to the fan, "Hey look at the moose tracks!" The fan looks at him and says, "Those aren't moose tracks, those are bear tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.27.
Q: What does the average Husky player get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
28.
UW is playing at Oregon, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. A UW fan sets off a firecracker, and Oregon, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field. Three plays later, UW punts.
29.
Q: Did you hear that The Rolling Stones are playing at Husky Stadium?
A: Yeah, they're 10-point favorites.
30.
Q: What do a WSU student and a UW student have in common?
A: They both got accepted to UW !
31.
Two huskies are sitting in a bar and all of the sudden start jumping up and down and giving each other high five's as they scream "55 DAYS, 55 DAYS!!" After this went on for some time the bartender became curious and asked the two huskies what they were so excited about. The two huskies finally calmed down and explained, "We finished this puzzle in 55 days!!" The bartender, still perplexed, replied, "Yeah,.. so?" To which the husky replied, "It says right on the box 2-3 years!"
32.
Q: How do you amuse a Husky for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a football.
33.
Q: Why don't Huskies go to the beach?
A: Cats keep trying to bury them.
34.
Q: Why do Huskies have little holes all over their faces?
A: From trying to learn to eat with a fork.
35.
Q. Why did Nevada get all the toxic waste and Washington all the Huskies?
A: Nevada got to pick first.
36.
Q: How do you make a Husky football player laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
37.
Q: Why did the Husky stare at frozen orange
juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.38.
Q: How do you confuse a Husky?
A: You don't. They're born that way.39.
Q: Why did the Husky keep ice cubes in the freezer?
A: So he could keep the refrigerator cold.40.
Q: Why couldn't the Husky write the number ELEVEN ?
A: He didn't know what ONE came first...41.
Q: How did the Husky break his leg raking leaves?
A: He fell out of the tree.42.
Q: What is the difference between a smart Husky and Bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted.43.
Q. What is black and brown and looks good on a Husky?
A: A Doberman.44.
A Husky was filling out a job application when he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No." The next question, intended for people who had put "Yes" was "Why?" The Husky answered it anyway: "Never got caught!"45.
Q. How do keep a Husky football player from drinking too much?
A. Slam the toilet seat lid on this head!
46.
{Two guys are sitting in a diner}
Guy #1: By chance, are you a Cougar?
Guy #2: Yes, how could you tell?
Guy #1: Just by your sense of pride, & the way you carry yourself.
Guy #2: I see, hey, are you a Husky?
Guy #1: Why, yes, how could you tell?
Guy #2: I saw your class ring disappear while you were picking your nose.
47.
Q. What do you call a Husky in a 3 piece suit?
A. The defendant.
48.
Q. What did the Cougar Alumnus say to the Husky Alumnus?
A. “You have the right to remain silent....”
49.
Q. What did the Husky Alumnus say to the Cougar Alumnus?
A. “Welcome to McDonalds sir, may I take your order?....”
50.
Did you hear about the Coug who transferred to the UW and raised both schools GPA’S?
51.
How do Husky brain cells die?
> Alone.
52.
Q: How do you get a Husky cheerleader to leave your house?
A: Grease her hips and push like crazy!
53.
What is the difference between a Husky and a catfish?
> One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.
54.
What do you call an intelligent person in Husky Stadium?
> A visitor.
55.
A Cougar fan and a Husky fan were strolling down the street when the Coug fan said,
"How sad - a dead bird." The Husky fan looked up and said, “Where, where?"
56.A Husky football player was working out in a gym one day when he smelled smoke. He quickly rushed to the phone and dialed 911. In the calmest voice he could muster, he reported the fire. The dispatcher asked “How do we get there?” The Husky hesitated a few seconds then asked, “Don’t you guys have those big red trucks anymore?”
57
What's the difference between a Husky fan and a Husky dog ?
> Drivers will swerve to miss the dog.
58.
What is the difference between a Husky cheerleader and an elephant?
> About 40 lbs.
How do you equalize the two?
> Feed the elephant.
59.
A woman received some bad news one day. It seems that her husband had been in an accident and was brain dead. However, the hospital had perfected a new brain transplant procedure and luckily there were two brains available. A Cougar brain transplant would cost $10,000. A Husky transplant would cost $100,000. Curious, she asked why the Husky brain was so much more expensive. The reply....”The Husky brain has never been used.”
60.
Four alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different Northwest School, and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally, as they reached the top, the OSU Beaver hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for OSU!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the UO Duck threw himself off the mountain, proclaiming "This is for U of O!". Seeing this, the Cougar walked over and shouted "This is for WAZZU!", and threw the Husky off the side of the mountain.
61
A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color." The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue." Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color. And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!" Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?" The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of Husky grads laying sod across the street."
62.
The UW football team was placed in a remedial English class. The
professor asked the class, "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?"
All of the players raised their hands.
"The appeal," they shouted with pride.
63.
If two Husky grads get a divorce, are they still considered brother & sister?
64.
Q: Why do Husky football players have such small steering wheels in their cars?
A: So they can drive with handcuffs on.
65.
Q: How does the Husky car pool work?
A: They all meet at work at 7:45.Q: What is 9-1-1?
A: The top 3 SAT scores for the Husky football team.
66.
Q: What is the best pick-up line for a Husky Cheerleader?
A: Nice tooth!
67.
Q: What is the difference between the Huskies and a bowl of Cheerios?.
A: The Cheerios stand a chance of making it into a bowl
68.
Q: Why don't they sell water in Husky stadium?.
A: They lost the recipe.
69.
Q: Why did they originally put astro-turf on Husky field?
A: To prevent the Husky cheerleaders from grazing at half-time.
70.
Q: How do you confuse a Cougar student farmer?
A: Give him two shovels and tell him to take his pick.
71.
Q: How can you tell when a Husky sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
72
Q: How many U of W freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
73
In America they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your children are?"
In France they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your wife is?"
In Italy they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know where your car is?"
In Pullman they say, "It's 10:00. Do you know what time it is?"
74
A small man walks in to a bar and says: "Ok, which one of you idiots tied up his husky out side to the telephone pole?"
A large former Husky football player responds in a deep voice, "That's my dog and it's been trained as an attack dog so stay away from it!"
The small man replies, "Yeah? Well my dog just killed it!"
Husky, "Your dog killed mine? You must have a huge dog. What kind of dog do you have?"
Small man, "A Chihuahua"
To which the husky asked, "How in the world did your Chihuahua kill my attack dog?"
The small man answered, "It's caught in his throat!"
75
A Cougar fan walking along a beach finds a bottle. Being curious, he rubs it to find out what is in it, and a genie pops out. The genie says,
" OK, you can have 3 wishes, but what ever you ask for every member of the Husky football team gets 2 of.
The Cougar then says, "OK genie, for my first wish, I would like a Lamborgenie". Boom, he gets the car and every Husky player gets 2.
Then he says, "OK genie, for my second wish, I would like $10 million." Boom, he gets $10 million and every Husky football player gets $20 million.
Finally the Cougar fan says, "OK genie, for my 3rd wish, being the good person I am, I would like to donate one of my kidneys to......"
76 Question: What do you call the Husky football team while skydiving?
Answer: Skeet
77 Question: What to the huskies and marijuana have in common?
Answer: They both get smoked in bowls!
78 Question: What should you do if you find 3 husky fans buried up to their neck in cement?
Answer: Get more cement.
79 Question: How do you make Husky Cookies?
Answer: Put them in a big bowl and beat them for 3 hours.
80. In a tragic accident, one of the husky football players was trimming the husky astroterf with a weed eater, didn't see a cat and cut off it's tail. After consulting with team trainers, they decided to take the cat and the cut off portion of the tail to Wall Mart. They heard it was the nations largest retailer.